


Swallow your pride

by trixieknin



Series: Swallow your pride [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 22:45:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16543742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixieknin/pseuds/trixieknin
Summary: Jealousy is a bitch, especially when you only have yourself to blame...





	Swallow your pride

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic! Not only that, the first thing I've written in years... So please, don't be too hard on me. ;)

You wouldn't know it from the look of her, but Brianna was fuming, jealousy eating its way through her. But Aquaria could tell. She noticed the small signs. The slight tremor to her small, yet curvy body. The clenched fists at her sides. Flared nostrils. Aquaria loved it and hated it. 'She has no right', she thought to herself as she grinded her ass against a tall woman behind her on the dance floor, arching her back even more when she shot a drunken look towards the bar where she had first spotted her ex girlfriend a few minutes earlier. The shock of seeing Brianna had first stopped Aquaria right in the middle of the dance floor, the familiar feeling of pain and loss washing over her. She had recovered quickly, though, instead letting the accompanying anger fill her up as she continued to shake her barely covered ass to a sexy beat. Her date spun her around, and Aquaria settled herself on her thigh, rolling her hips while stealing glances toward the bar, her smile growing every time she caught Brianna staring. The woman in front of her was asking her something, she suddenly realized when a hand moved her face to the front again. Aquaria frowned at the gesture but instead of getting annoyed she seized the oppurtunity to piss off Brianna even more by grabbing the face of the woman in front of her and smashing their lips together. Her date (Joanne? Jodie? J something, for sure?) looked dazed but happy when Aquaria released her. 

"Wow", J-something shouted over the music. "Uhm, I'm gonna go get a drink at the bar, do you want another shot?" Aquaria nodded and grinned at the perfect excuse to get closer to the object of her teasing. But when she turned to follow her date, her eyes failed to catch sight of Brianna. "Fuck!" she exclaimed, causing J-something to turn around at the bar, wondering what was wrong. Aquaria waved off her concern, claiming she needed a smoke and left before the other woman could say anything else. 

She stumbled outside the bar, lighting a cigarette. She inhaled deeply, only to choke on the smoke as a very familiar voice spoke right in front of her. "What the fuck are you doing?!" Brianna asked loudly. She automatically reached to pat Aquaria in the back when the younger girl started coughing but quickly retreated as her hand was swatted away. "Get your fucking hands off me!" Aquaria hissed. "You have no right. No right!" she continued. 

Brianna sighed, taking a step back, giving Aquaria the space she wanted. The space Brianna, herself, had forced upon her when setting her free three months earlier. This was what she wanted, right? Aquaria living her life, instead of being caught in her first ever relationship, with a woman twelve years older, at that. As if reading her thoughts, Aquaria stretched to her full height, pointing a shaking finger at Brianna. 

"You did this. You're the one that wanted me to get some fucking experience, like literally 'fucking' experience! Well, guess what, I fucking did! Happy now?!" Aquaria was shaking, tears starting to form in her eyes. Brianna felt bile rising in her throat, both at how heartbroken the girl in front of her looked, but also at the thought of someone else touching her girlfr-, 'No, Brianna, she's not yours anymore, you made sure of that', she thought to herself. 

Still, she couldn't help reaching out again, only to have Aquaria stumble out of her grip, falling down on the ground. "Aquaria! Baby, are you ok?!" Brianna exclaimed, trying to help her back up. "No, I'm not ok, you fucking broke me!" Aquaria shouted back. Brianna knew she wasn't talking about the fall and opened her mouth to say... Something? Anything. 

She didn't get the chance, however, as two large hands spun her around to face a very upset looking tall woman. The same woman that Aquaria had been practically fucking on the dance floor, she realized. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" the woman spat at her, making Brianna stumble backwards out of surprise, the woman still holding on to her in a death grip. Brianna was just about to get use of her years of martial arts training to free herself, when a small body forced itself in between them. "Get your fucking hands off my girlfriend!" Aquaria shouted. 

Brianna froze, heart shattering in pieces momentarily only for it to be put together in a hopefull, shivering mess as she realized Aquaria was shoving the other woman, and not Brianna, away with all her strength. The woman stared at Aquaria in shock, backing off. 

"Girlfriend?" she asked, looking confused. Aquaria sighed. "Shit. Look, J, I'm sorry. I can't do this, things are... a bit complicated." The woman in front of her laughed in disbelief. "J? Oh my god, you don't even remember my name, do you? Know what, whatever, fuck this shit. Don't call me." she said and went back in to the club. Aquaria didn't move. Brianna wasn't sure what to do. Or rather, she knew what she had to do, but it was going to be hard. She cleared her throat. 

"Aqua? Can we talk?"  
Aquaria jumped slightly, looking up at Brianna as if she had forgotten she was still there. She sighed, looking so tired that Brianna's instincts to scoop her up and never let go almost took over. But she held herself back. This was a fragile moment, she had to tread carefully. 

Aquaria looked around them.  
"Yeah, sure, uhm, but not here? We could go somewh-"  
"Come home with me!" Brianna interupted, shocking Aquaria into silence. 'Smooth', Brianna scolded herself. Aquaria looked at her with a furrowed brow, as if searching for something. 

"Ok", she said finally after a pause long enough to have Brianna heart racing in panic in her chest. Brianna let out a long breath she hadn't been aware of holding in. "To talk!" Aquaria emphasized. "I'm not gonna be your fuck buddy again just because you had some warped ownership reaction to seeing me with someone else!" Brianna tensed up, "You were never just... I mean... I..." 

Aquaria sighed again, "Whatever, let's not do this here". Brianna visibly deflated. "Yeah, you're right" she said, causing Aquaria to raise an eyebrow in surprise. "Well, that's a first. Not me being right, but you admitting it". Brianna smiled at the attempt to lighten the mood. "You were right about a lot of things", she whispered. Aquaria's smile dropped and she looked sad and unsure. Brianna took a tentative step closer and then another when Aquaria didn't back away. "Can I please just..." Brianna started but instead of finishing she closed the distance between them and wrapped Aquaria in a hug. She felt the younger woman at first stiffen and then relax in to the embrace. Brianna sighed with relief. She finally had Aquaria in her arms again, the months without her had been so empty and seeing her with some other woman tonight had felt like pure torture. She closed her eyes and burrowed her nose in Aquarias hair, allowing herself this brief moment of weakness. The moment was over way too soon as Aquaria broke free. "Let's go", she said, waving at a taxi. 

 

Aquaria took a deep breath as she looked around Brianna's living room. Everything looked the same. It was as if the last three months hadn't even happened. She closed her eyes briefly, overwhelmed by the feelings that hadn't ever left her heart. But Brianna didn't want her. Not as a partner. She was too young. But the events earlier that evening had proved that she at least wanted her for... Well, sex, at least. 'It shouldn't be enough', she thought to herself, feeling her resolve not to do anything with Brianna melt away. 

Steeling herself against possible rejection, and in an effort to push the inpending pain of separation an hour or two in to the future, she turned around to face Brianna. Just as the latter opened her mouth to speak, Aquaria pounced, efficiantly silencing the words that were about to be uttered with a hard press of red lips against pink. Brianna went rigid, but soon recovered enough to break away. "Aquaria, wait, I have to say something!"  
"Mhm, yeah, but can we wait until after you've fucked me?" Aquaria breathed against her mouth, before capturing Brianna's bottom lip between her teeth. Brianna felt heat pooling in her stomach and a moan slipped out, despite her earlier resolve to stay strong and appear unaffected. She broke away again, gasping. "Aquaria, stop!" 

Aquaria immediatly backed off, staggering a bit before regaining her balance and turning her back on Brianna. "I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I was just hoping..." She faultered, shoulders hunched. "You were hoping... what?" Brianna whispered, a quiver in her voice, as she took a step toward Aquaria that had sat down on the couch. Aquaria closed her eyes that were beginning to water, head falling down to her chest. "I was hoping that I could get one more night with you before you cast me away again", she choked out as tears started slipping out, wetting her cheeks. "What if I don't want that?", she heard Brianna whisper hoarsly above her. Aquaria let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, thanks, you've made that very clear", she mumbled and started to get up. 

She was stopped by Brianna sinking down on her knees on the carpet in front of her. "Aqua, wait, no, I meant... What if I don't want to cast you away again?" Aquaria's eyes shot to Brianna's. "What do you mean?", she asked the older blonde. She inhaled sharply as Brianna took both of her hands. "I mean..." Brianna took a deep breath before letting go of her prepared monologue and instead choosing to speak from her heart, presenting it to the woman she loved on a banged up silver plate. 

"Aquaria, I was wrong. I've been miserable without you, and yet I refused to do anything about it cause my fucked up brain convinced my heart that I was doing the right thing. I was being selfish. I didn't even let you in on my reasoning, but instead made the decision for you, thinking I knew what was best because of the age difference. I was so convinced of my own maturity and that you couldn't possibly know what you wanted when you had so little to compare me with. So I broke it off, before you had a chance to break my heart." Brianna laughed humorlessly as tears started running down her face. "Instead, I broke it myself". "And mine", Aquaria whispered. "You broke my heart, Bri..." 

Brianna swallowed, a lump the size of a boulder in her throat. "I realize that now. And I am so sorry, baby, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness or a second chance but I love you so much and if-" she forced out, earning a small gasp from Aquaria who digged in her nails in Briannas hands. "Say that again!", the younger woman commanded. Brianna gulped, considering for a fraction of a second to feign ignorance but instead, swallowing her pride and telling her brain to shut up, she repeated the three words. 

"I love you", she said, chin bravely raised, looking right into Aquarias eyes. The latter closed her own, making Brianna's heart stop in fear for a second, before jolting awake as she suddenly was pinned down on the floor by an armfull of Aquaria. "I love you, too, you fucking jerk", Aquaria growled, "and if you ever shut me out like that again, I'll... I'll..." she rambled, looking for a serious enough threat. "I won't!" Brianna hurriedly interviened, hope rising inside of her. "I'll tell on you to Katelyn!" Aquaria finished, a proud and smug look on her face, making a shocked Brianna bark out a laugh in disbelief. "Oh my god, not Katelyn!" she groaned. "Believe me, she's been kicking my ass for the last three months now", she added. Aquaria lowered her face closer to Brianna's, fixating her gaze. 

"Good", she said with a smirk before closing the last inches of distance, smashing Brianna's lips with her own for a moment before pulling back enough to look into her eyes properly again. Brianna reached out a hand, gingerly cupping her cheek. "I really am so, so sorr-", she started again before being silenced by one of Aquarias fingers against her lips. "I know you are, and I forgive you." Aquaria said as Brianna took a shaky breath, tears forming in her eyes again. "I forgive you", Aquaria stated again. "Will it take a while for me to really trust that you won't run off again everytime you get in your head? Yes. But you're gonna do everything you can not to let that happen, aren't you?" she asked, trying to muster up every last piece of strength in her voice. She would forgive, but she wouldn't let herself be run over in the relationship again. She needed to know that they were entering this new phase as equals, despite the age gap. 

Brianna, sensing this was a pivotal moment, sat up, still keeping Aquaria in her lap. She took both of her hands, placing them over her own heart and covering them with her own. Letting Aquaria feel her steady heart beat for a few seconds, she declared in a slightly shaking voice, "Aquaria, my heart belo-" "and ass!" Aquaria interupted making Brianna giggle as she started over. "Aquaria, my heart, and ass, belongs to you. I am yours, for as long as you want me..." Aquaria smiled. "What if I want you forever?" Brianna returned the smile. "Then so it shall be", she said, leaning in. 

The kiss started off soft, but soon enough Aquaria was grinding down on Brianna's lap, licking her way into her mouth. Brianna, all too willing to erase the past few months of loneliness, welcomed Aquaria by sucking on her tongue before giving back, tugging on Aquarias bottom lip with her teeth and digging her fingers in her waist, guiding her rocking hips. "Brianna... Bri... I need..." Aquaria moaned. Brianna, not in a better state herself, nodded and hurriedly removed Aquarias dress and tiny thong before carefully lowering her down on the soft carpet. She took a moment to just stare at the most perfect person she'd ever seen, revelling in the toned muscles and silky skin, so different from her own curves. 

An impatient mewl and roll of hips from Aquaria woke her up, making her quickly reach out, cupping both of her small breasts before leaning in and taking one nipple in her mouth. Aquaria keened and grabbed on to Brianna's hair, keeping her there for a minute before pulling her up. "Off!" she breathed, grabbing at Brianna's dress. The offending piece of clothing was quickly removed, followed by her bra and panties. As soon as she was naked, Brianna found herself on her back again, looking up at a panting Aquaria. "Aqua, I want to-" she started, feeling a desperate need to take care of her first, but was again interupted by a finger against her lips. "Please, Bri, let me". 

Brianna, recognizing the need for control, simply answered by sucking in the finger that was resting against her lips. Aquaria's eyes grew big as Brianna coated the finger in spit. Leaning in, Aquaria replaced the finger with her tongue briefly before kissing her way down Brianna's neck. Brianna's blissfull sigh was abruptly changed in to a loud moan as Aquaria suddenly bit down, sucking in the flesh, marking her. Releasing the mouthful, Aquaria licked the swollen piece of skin, before whispering "mine" in Briannas ear. "Yours. Always yours", Brianna groaned. Aquaria smiled, giving the hickey one last little peck before working her way down Brianna's body, all hills and valleys. 

Aquaria placed herself between her lover's legs, spreading her thighs, kissing the silky smooth insides. She paused, breathing at Brianna's center. "Look at me", Aquaria said, making Brianna lift herself on her elbows and lock eyes with Aquaria just as she flattened her tongue, licking one long stroke over her inner labia. Brianna threw her head back and moaned, fuck she had missed this! Aquaria stopped. "Eyes on me, Bri. Everytime you look away, I'll stop". Brianna immediatly raised her head back up, once again gazing into Aquarias eyes while marvelling over this dominant side of the once so timid, apparently former, pillow princess. She struggled to keep eye contact, as Aquaria started licking and gently sucking at her clit. Her panting was replaced by a gasp as Aquaria suddenly filled her up with two fingers, followed by loud keening noices as the fingers were bent, stroking over her g-spot over and over again. Brianna couldn't keep herself up anymore and broke eyecontact while falling down on her back. Immediatly, Aquaria stopped, forcing a tired cry of complaint out of Brianna. 

Aquaria crawled up Brianna's body, taking pity on her, and resumed her play, this time adding a third finger, while kissing Brianna sloppily, making her taste herself. "Look at you, so needy for me. Did you miss me while I was gone? Did you think of me when you were fucking someone else?", Aquaria whispered in her ear. Brianna shook her head. "No, I didn't... I couldn't... I haven't been with anyone else since..." she stuttered. Aquaria paused, staring. "Really?", she whispered, her heart soaring at this new information. "Yes, really, please, Aquaria, please don't stop, I'm so close, I need-" Brianna panted, as Aquaria once again started pumping her fingers in and out. She captured Brianna's lips with her own, whispering "Cum for me, Bri" in between kisses. With a last stroke, Brianna was cumming hard, grasping on tight to Aquaria. The latter held her while she was coming down, stroking her face, murmuring "I love you" over and over. 

After a few minutes, Aquaria noticed that the body in her arms had started shaking. She lifted Brianna's chin only to catch a stream of tears down her face. "Hey, hey, what's wrong, my love?" she said, cupping her cheeks in her hands. "I... I'm just so happy, and I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you", Brianna snivelled. Aquaria looked at her with a mixture of warmth and seriousness. "Forgetting your promise already?" she asked, causing Brianna to look back at her in confusion. "You promised to let me in, to not make my decisions for me, remember?" Brianna nodded slowly. "Well, I've made my decision, I choose you. Messy, fucked up, bossy, beautiful, kind, generous know-it-all. You are all those things. But you are MY messy, fucked up, bossy, beautiful, kind, generous know-it-all. And I am yours... Right?" Aquaria ranted. Brianna chuckled, feeling her negative thoughts crawl back into their cave. 

"Yes", she said, standing up, pulling Aquaria up from the floor at the same time. "Yes, I am yours, and you are mine". Aquaria squeeled as she was suddenly lifted up, hanging over Brianna's shoulder as she stomped toward the bedroom. "Let me show you. Every day, for the rest of our lives. Starting right now", Brianna said, kicking the door shut behind them.


End file.
